LOVE....or something like it....

Dear Blog,
I am writing to you on the eve of my 8 month anniversary with someone special. For some reason today i feel overwhelmed with emotions.. with Love. I've read a lot about love- was the first in my class of 89 girls to read Love Story by Erich Sehgal and P.S. I love you. However, there was something in these books which I longed for. Every girl dreams of the perfect college relationship where an older guy asks her for a date which results in love and togetherness forever. 8 months ago I got the opportunity to have that. I said yes to someone who asked me out after 3 weeks of knowing him and it has *touchwood* blossomed into a lovely, healthy 8 month (or like he puts it 2/3rds of a year )long relationship. I don't know if this love will last forever or not.... but whatever it is right now, I am grateful for it and feel like telling my 13 year old self who was once sitting in the library reading sweet valley high and dreaming..... some dreams do come true....so "don't stop believing".

Much love,
Gini.

Run..

I always wondered why it was so difficult for me to say goodbye. Be it friends, family, a random guest or someone special. Why is saying bye so hard? Today, I realised that it is the hardest to say goodbye to someone who becomes a part of your daily routine be it for a year, a day, a week or in this case a month. You just miss the things you become used to in that span of time. That's why when that level of comfort goes away, you wonder what to do with all the time you had. Obviously it gets harder with the more time you spend time with that person. For example it was definitely harder to say goodbye to my family while leaving for the States for the first time after spending 18 years of my life with them. Today, I am missing the presence of a friend who I got used to in the last month. Here's wishing he comes back soon..... well, at least he inspired a blog.

Marriage

have you ever wondered where the concept of marriage started? Who were the first husband and wife? I never really understood the origin for it? Was it just a way to certify exclusivity? So i decided to Google this and didn't get any satisfactory answers. Most of them said Ancient Egypt and Ancient Hebrew laws etc etc... But none of this answers my question.. Anyhow, marriage today is a declaration (a public one at that) about your commitment towards one another. You promise, before God( if you believe in his existence.. i have plenty of friends who are Atheists), to love the other and be with them in sickness and health. Everyone takes the same vow irrespective of the fact whether you are Muslim, Christian, Jewish, Hindu etc.

Anywho, I was supposed to describe my conversation over coffee. So it was R, A and I ( I shall be using initials as I haven't asked for their permission to publish their names) and something came up and I we started talking about how my friends in India are getting married/engaged. At the age of 21, some of them have decided to spend their entire life with that one person(presuming things work out). I think its pretty scary that this is happening. Marriage was always considered as something older cousins, uncles, aunts or just old people did. The fact that people who graduated from High school with you are ready to tie the knot makes one think. So R was talking about her sociology professor who was talking about marriages in the American society by talking about the need for Americans to be individualistic... an aspect which is very important for the high divorce rate in this country. R, timid but with very strong Indian values instilled in her, felt her entire take on marriage falling apart and started asking A and me to answer her question about the difference in marriages in India and in the US. She wondered why it was so easy for people to walk out and how compromise was never an option.

This made me think. SO i answered her question. In India when people get married, I'm talking about arranged marriages and some love marriages) there is so much associated with a wedding. If you go through our ceremonies, everyone from the grandmother to the newly born member of the household has to be involved. Everybody takes part in it together. Its a family thing. Two families vouch to maintain a relationship with each other by sealing their children in marriage. Hence, walking out is not easy. There are so many things, so many relations which are attached to you that walking out is the last resort. You learn to compromise, share and love each other. Its a process. In the states, marriages don't really involve families after the vows except on thanksgiving and Christmas. I'm not saying that this is wrong. It's just that the government does os much for kids, old people, and the uneducated/unemployed that the something minimal you will get out of society will be enough to sustain your existence and more. So its easy to say "I'm Done!" and leave.

Coming back to the concept of Arranged marriage... my roommate from college came to India with me and was very intrigued by this concept. She sat with a bunch of my closest friends and quizzed them about it... We came to a conclusion that this concept had evolved over time.. Nowadays, people didn't just meet once, for a couple of hours and decide to spend their lives together. They met several times. being American, she didn't understand how only a couple of times was enough to decide that as she is used to hearing about people dating each other for a bunch of years and then deciding to marry each other. SO i thought about this. The conclusion I came too was that when and if I need to go through his there are a couple of situations I would like to see my to be significant other in... at a restaurant to see how he behaves with the waiters, at a bar, with my friends, with his friends, at a club and to ask him to plan a date... clothing is very important to me.. No I don't mean the latest couture but just appropriate, crisp clothes for the occasion and someone who doesn't forget that shoes are an equally important part of that outfit.

Conversations. If I have to spend my entire life with someone I'm not going to be able to meet too many times before I decide to say yes (social protocol) being a liberal person, very liberal actually, I feel like I need that person to approve of a few things.I want that person to understand and respect. I am not a homophobe- I have many gay and lesbian friends, I am not against all Muslims just cause of a bunch of terrorists who happen to be "followers" of Islam, I respect other faiths etc.. If the person has similar takes on these fundamental aspects of my personality I think I would genuinely consider marrying them ( along with all the pre added factors of course) but even if they don't agree with what I say, if they respect that and me for it.. that's okay too. Mocking me and being close minded is something I can't tolerate. I have a few such friends.. it can get pretty frustrating.

I think I have been ranting so much that the case of this blog is somewhat lost. Well, I'm learning. This is my first one. Looking at my parents marriage all I can say is that it is a journey which two people walk together through. I was born about 10 months after my parents marriage and hence have almost seen them grow with me as me with them. It has probably been the most amazing experience. We are a very small and close knit family. Being very close to both my parents, I see how they have grown over the last 22 yrs of their life to love each other and understand each other. take decisions, respect each others opinions etc. Conversations are the most important part of marriage. Hence, marry someone who makes you laugh and who you think you would never run out o things to say to.

Love conquers all......stay tuned for more...

The Reason...

Why did i turn to blogging?

Well, I always felt like I wanted to write... thought it was about time i did. Like most people I turned to words when I felt like I needed to talk to someone. DOn't get me wrong, I'm probably one of the most social people ever, but it is very important to remember that once in a while you need to just kickback and talk to yourself. Writing is a medium for that. More to come soon... I want my first post to be about an issue which is close to evey woman's heart... Marriage. As one of the conversations I had today about marriage inspired me to write a blog...