Marriage

have you ever wondered where the concept of marriage started? Who were the first husband and wife? I never really understood the origin for it? Was it just a way to certify exclusivity? So i decided to Google this and didn't get any satisfactory answers. Most of them said Ancient Egypt and Ancient Hebrew laws etc etc... But none of this answers my question.. Anyhow, marriage today is a declaration (a public one at that) about your commitment towards one another. You promise, before God( if you believe in his existence.. i have plenty of friends who are Atheists), to love the other and be with them in sickness and health. Everyone takes the same vow irrespective of the fact whether you are Muslim, Christian, Jewish, Hindu etc.

Anywho, I was supposed to describe my conversation over coffee. So it was R, A and I ( I shall be using initials as I haven't asked for their permission to publish their names) and something came up and I we started talking about how my friends in India are getting married/engaged. At the age of 21, some of them have decided to spend their entire life with that one person(presuming things work out). I think its pretty scary that this is happening. Marriage was always considered as something older cousins, uncles, aunts or just old people did. The fact that people who graduated from High school with you are ready to tie the knot makes one think. So R was talking about her sociology professor who was talking about marriages in the American society by talking about the need for Americans to be individualistic... an aspect which is very important for the high divorce rate in this country. R, timid but with very strong Indian values instilled in her, felt her entire take on marriage falling apart and started asking A and me to answer her question about the difference in marriages in India and in the US. She wondered why it was so easy for people to walk out and how compromise was never an option.

This made me think. SO i answered her question. In India when people get married, I'm talking about arranged marriages and some love marriages) there is so much associated with a wedding. If you go through our ceremonies, everyone from the grandmother to the newly born member of the household has to be involved. Everybody takes part in it together. Its a family thing. Two families vouch to maintain a relationship with each other by sealing their children in marriage. Hence, walking out is not easy. There are so many things, so many relations which are attached to you that walking out is the last resort. You learn to compromise, share and love each other. Its a process. In the states, marriages don't really involve families after the vows except on thanksgiving and Christmas. I'm not saying that this is wrong. It's just that the government does os much for kids, old people, and the uneducated/unemployed that the something minimal you will get out of society will be enough to sustain your existence and more. So its easy to say "I'm Done!" and leave.

Coming back to the concept of Arranged marriage... my roommate from college came to India with me and was very intrigued by this concept. She sat with a bunch of my closest friends and quizzed them about it... We came to a conclusion that this concept had evolved over time.. Nowadays, people didn't just meet once, for a couple of hours and decide to spend their lives together. They met several times. being American, she didn't understand how only a couple of times was enough to decide that as she is used to hearing about people dating each other for a bunch of years and then deciding to marry each other. SO i thought about this. The conclusion I came too was that when and if I need to go through his there are a couple of situations I would like to see my to be significant other in... at a restaurant to see how he behaves with the waiters, at a bar, with my friends, with his friends, at a club and to ask him to plan a date... clothing is very important to me.. No I don't mean the latest couture but just appropriate, crisp clothes for the occasion and someone who doesn't forget that shoes are an equally important part of that outfit.

Conversations. If I have to spend my entire life with someone I'm not going to be able to meet too many times before I decide to say yes (social protocol) being a liberal person, very liberal actually, I feel like I need that person to approve of a few things.I want that person to understand and respect. I am not a homophobe- I have many gay and lesbian friends, I am not against all Muslims just cause of a bunch of terrorists who happen to be "followers" of Islam, I respect other faiths etc.. If the person has similar takes on these fundamental aspects of my personality I think I would genuinely consider marrying them ( along with all the pre added factors of course) but even if they don't agree with what I say, if they respect that and me for it.. that's okay too. Mocking me and being close minded is something I can't tolerate. I have a few such friends.. it can get pretty frustrating.

I think I have been ranting so much that the case of this blog is somewhat lost. Well, I'm learning. This is my first one. Looking at my parents marriage all I can say is that it is a journey which two people walk together through. I was born about 10 months after my parents marriage and hence have almost seen them grow with me as me with them. It has probably been the most amazing experience. We are a very small and close knit family. Being very close to both my parents, I see how they have grown over the last 22 yrs of their life to love each other and understand each other. take decisions, respect each others opinions etc. Conversations are the most important part of marriage. Hence, marry someone who makes you laugh and who you think you would never run out o things to say to.

Love conquers all......stay tuned for more...